Jodi Anne Dunford

So here I sit, on the second year of the passing of my beautiful daughter Jodi Anne. I feel I need to share with those who knew her. It has been the hardest journey of my life. I still find it hard to believe she is gone. I still want to pick up the phone and call her, ask her about her day, tell her about mine. She was my faithful listener and could always make me feel better. I find it hard to share with people what this feels like, because really there are no words that can describe the ache that my heart feels. That piece of my heart is gone forever and it will always be with Jodi. That belongs with her.

I miss her smile the most. Her infectious laugh that literally cleared the buffet on the ferry one day with Gary and I being the only ones left listening. Her ability to amaze me and the awe I felt just watching her dance. I know she is looking down from heaven and I know in my heart she is finally happy. It is from Becky's blog that I understand this statement, "even though we wish her still here, that is us being selfish because it would mean she is still in pain and still hurting" and that would be too much for me to bare as her mother to let her hurt anymore. I didn't understand that pain and I don't think anyone can unless they too suffer from mental illness. I will forever be confused with God for that one and always wonder why My girl had to have those problems, but there will be the day I will ask him why.

People sometimes ask how I am doing. The only way to answer that is "the best way I know how, I just get through with my faith in God". If there is good in this whole sad part of my life, it is the fact that I have a support of my family. My husband who lets me cry and feel what I have to feel. My love for Becky, Todd, Gnat and my beautiful grand-daughters, Brielle and Sophie. My faith in God to know that she is safe and is finally happy up in heaven. But the part that I know my girl is safe, is knowing for a fact that she is up in heaven and my MOM and she is taking good care of her till the day we will see each other again.

So to all who read this, please remember My girl with love, try to understand that she was suffering with a "mental illness" and give understanding for her choices that she had to make for herself. I have. I know she did what she did because she thought that was her only choice and I also know she didn't want to put us through anymore. She did this because she loved her family and didn't want to see us suffer anymore either and she just didn't want to hurt and feel so alone anymore. She really wanted to be with God. I have let her go and I am ok with her decision. I am not angry. I have only love for my girl.

So when tomorrow comes, I will be at the ocean talking to my girl. I know she will be there listening and smiling and dancing with the angels with my mom close by watching. She is my butterfly. Take care and my love to all Joani (MOM)